You feel like you wasted your life?
"I might as well enjoy it while I’m here and play around with the other beings." | 100 DoW #74
Hey friends, I came across this short thread, and I know many who’ve had this sinking feeling, me included. So I thought I’d write a little response.
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![Twitter avatar for @demiurgently](https://substackcdn.com/image/twitter_name/w_96/demiurgently.jpg)
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This will change.
If you said you were 66, then maybe not. Or at least it’d be way more difficult cause there’s even more “karma” attached to your self/ego. But at 26, you got a life ahead of you!
I had this feeling of having wasted my life until I was nearly 35, and it went away completely1 after I realized I was good enough as I am.2 Maybe not all my actions and ways of thinking—i.e., the persona or ego—but the core part of me? That’s just unbounded goodness. As is everyone’s core being.
Now I see just being here—alive and taking in the world—as a gift. So I might as well enjoy it while I’m here and play around with the other beings.
I might as well enjoy it while I’m here and play around with the other beings.
And on a more particular note—and maybe it’s stronger for women, though I always experienced this as well: Do you have the wish to become a parent?
I know women who’ve “filled” that hole or sinking feeling by becoming a mom. From my experience as a dad, having kids also helps me with a part of that “meaning-making.” Not necessarily because of a “look at me, I’m leaving a legacy” idea but because my kids make me feel grateful every day cause I can see the world through their eyes of wonder.
Anyway, good luck, you’ll be fine!
Warm regards,
Jibran
And a little before that, when I became a father.
Though it needed lots of (trauma) integration, contemplation, journaling, some mdma, and a heroic dose of mushrooms.