How I Proposed to My Wife to Make Babies.
In my pocket I had a secret object…
In my pocket, I had a secret object that, taken out at the right time and in the right context, would cause me to become a dad in roughly nine or ten months.
No not that, you silly, dirty you!
It was something a little more creative. In my pocket I had a condom with a safety pin through it, making the latex contraceptive unmistakably useless. I planned to show it to Gigi at the right time for maximum effect.
A half-year before I cooked up this plan, Gigi turned thirty years old. An age where many a childless woman will feel her ovaries tick like a time-bomb. Gigi definitely left me no doubt that she wanted to make babies. But me being almost four years younger than her, didn’t feel ready for kids yet. At the time we were also building our house with our own bare hands on top of working full-time jobs. We barely had a bedroom, let alone a place for a baby. So I wasn’t inclined to make babies yet, though I did always want to become a father.
In the next half-year leading up to the moment where I put a safety pin through the condom, I ruminated a lot on the idea of becoming a dad. I understood it to be the biggest responsibility I could carry. Would I be ready for that? Don’t I need more “grown-up” skills? Can I love someone more than Gigi? What will it do to my romantic relationship with Gigi? Will I be a good dad? Am I a good person? What if I traumatize my kid? (Yes Jibran, you will, every parent does so.) All these thoughts made me realize I’m just afraid of doing parenting wrong. But it also made me realize that I would never be ready and that my anxieties actually came from a place of love and caring. So, realizing all that, I decided to make babies with Gigi. Better a young dad that has a lot of energy, I thought.
And me being me, I like to surprise people, so that’s how I came up with the idea of a surprise “let’s make babies” reveal for Gigi. One where I’d put a safety pin through a condom as a symbol of intending to not use the contraceptive anymore.
The moment was there for me to bring my plan into action. I was standing in the climbing hall, safety harness tight, Gigi anchoring me via our rope. (Gigi and I did weekly top-rope climbing at the time with another couple.) As I climbed up, I chose an easy route, wanting to make sure Gigi could follow the same route after me. And when I came close to the top of the route I took the condom out of my pocket and hooked it to the eye that secured my rope. Sweating profusely from the fear that Gigi might have noticed, I looked down and yelled to Gigi to let me down. We switched and Gigi went up. When she reached the top she let out a happy surprise scream which made my day.
As I helped her down we embraced and kissed and then a month later Gigi missed her period—first time’s a charm.
Nine months later our son was born. On the morning of his birthday, I installed a toilet seat as one of the last things that had to happen to finish building our house. I was finally ready (as ready as one can be, at least) to become a dad.
Do you have kids or stories of how you came to want to make babies? Or maybe other funny surprising things you did for your spouse/partner? Let me know, I’d love to hear!
Kind regards,
Jibran