Life is Like Legos

Even when it all comes crashing down, you can always rebuild it together.

Mar 20, 2022

“Faith is the strength by which a shattered world shall emerge into the light.” - Helen Keller

Shattered world

I was eight years old as the world came crashing down around me, at least, the LEGO world I had built. I had spent the whole day making a massive LEGO castle. And each Minifigure had its own story. Among the many “people,” there was Sally with her house inside the castle grounds and Pat, with his jewelry shop and sturdy vehicle. All of the characters in my world had real jobs, and I placed them in spots where they were doing something. They were very much alive. So, in short, I was the proud and joyful creator of a LEGO universe. Coincidentally, I even built it on top of a book about the universe and space because it was the biggest book I had.

Building “ze world” (photo by Ravi Palwe)

Proud of my creation, I wanted to share this world with someone else. As my mom was upstairs doing the laundry, I decided to surprise her with my creation. So I climbed the stairs up to the first floor—very slowly, making sure not to bump into anything. When I saw my mom wasn’t on the first floor, I eagerly went for the second flight of stairs, imagining my mother’s smile as I’d show her the LEGO world I had built. But on the 3rd step, I tripped.

My LEGO castle, my whole world at the time, got crushed between me and the stairs as I fell face-first into my creation. I could not catch myself because I refused to let go of the book holding the castle. So as I fell, I felt Sally, Pat, and their tiny houses destroyed beneath me. The lego castle, my world, had come crashing down.

Surrender and support

My lego castle was in pieces, and my mom had rushed downstairs to see what had happened. She looked down on me while I tried to keep my tears inside. I was so angry with myself. I told myself that if I would’ve just not tried to show her my creation, it would still be whole. But my mom saw in how much pain I was and said, “It’s OK, you can cry.” Unable to keep up the appearance of wanting to be a “big boy,” I let out a loud wail, tears streaming down my cheeks. My mom held me and stroked my hair while we sat on the stairs. And when I was calm, she offered to help me pick up what was left of my castle and see if we could still make something from the remains.

Now you might say this is just a LEGO creation. But in that short moment, the sadness and anger were as real for that 8-year-old me as for a grown-up me in another situation. When I was thirty years old, and my daughter Daisy was born, the doctors said she was born with a mortal and nearly incurable complication. At that moment, the world around me also came crashing down. But just like 8-year-old me crying in my mom’s arms was a way of surrendering to the situation, so did I have to surrender to the situation of my daughter’s early life. Accepting the circumstance, sadness, pain, and—ultimately—grief, gave my wife and me the strength to reach out and ask for support. That support from friends, family, and hospital personnel ultimately saved Daisy’s life.

My wife and I holding Daisy’s hand when it seemed she would breathe her last breath.

“Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.” - Helen Keller

Luckily in both cases, my LEGO creation and Daisy’s early life, everything turned out alright. That young boy went on to build an even more giant and more beautiful castle: it took multiple days, but in those days, I also forgot, more and more, that the world had crashed down on me. Rebuilding the LEGO castle, improving on it even, was part of the healing journey. Likewise, 30-year-old me taking care of Daisy every day, with all the hardships that come from a baby who had been in the NICU for 3 months, was part of the healing process as well. That healing still continues today. On top of that, I have kept a steady ‘drip, drip, drip’ of gratitude for life. Every extra day is a blessing. Every day is a gift.

Grief, heal, and rebuild together

Of course, I am not alone in the experience of seeing the world shatter in front of my eyes. For the last two years, many more people have seen the world around them come crashing down. Both material and immaterial difficulties have reigned strong since covid began. People had their businesses forcibly closed, their loved ones died from an unknown disease, continuous lockdowns separated loved ones from each other, and there were people mentally suffering, going insane, or even dying of loneliness. But now that the pandemic and the state’s enforced measures are ending in more and more places, I hope most people can stop living in ‘survival mode.’ That’s not an easy task though; two years of fearful habitual action has ingrained this survival mode in the core of many people’s being. But the first step to healing is to accept both the tragedy of covid victims and the injustice of numerous covid measures. And for people to accept the tragedy and injustice it is necessary to feel and surrender to the sadness and pain still left in their hearts. It’s OK to not be a big boy for a moment. It’s ok to grieve.

“What I am looking for is not out there, it is in me.” - Helen Keller

Then, after acceptance, after that first step of healing has taken place, how do you heal further? An excellent way is to use our newfound connection with ourselves, with our feelings, and with others to help shape a brighter future. We can use that power of human connection to “build back better.” Not through a centralized and utilitarian designed system—which would only be a better future for those designing the systems of control. No, not through how our own bond villain, Mr. Schwab, says, “Now we have ze opportunity to design ze future.” But through grassroots, bottom-up, and localized ways. A manner where technology is the servant of humanity instead of the other way around.

Let’s build it together (photo by Kelly Sikkema).

As more and more people realize that they need other people instead of more systems, I see a great awakening happening. And just like 8-year-old me wanting to show my mom the world I had built, I hope to see more people sharing their view of that human-connected world. Luckily, there are more and more people sharing—through their art, writing, and conversations—what kind of future they want to build together. But I think the best way to create that bright future is to just live an exemplary life ourselves. Instead of telling people what to do, just do it. Have faith in yourself to do what is right and it’ll help to have faith in other people as well. To finish on a fitting cliché, because it’s true: be the change you want to see in the world.

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