Why you need to work so much
And other lies we tell ourselves | 100 Days of Wonder #15
[Read in the voice of Morpheus from The Matrix]
“Is that work you’re doing?”
(Or are you carrying the story you tell yourself?)
Maybe you work a lot and say to yourself—though not consciously, and probably not in those words—“If I work hard, I’m a respectable person, then I don’t have to fear not meaning anything to anyone.”
Or there’s always a crisis in your job, where you’re always needed, and you choose not to say “No” because you actually like the sense of being important.
Or you try and control a lot of situations for fear of losing something or someone to any of your imagined terrors or failures that could happen. (I’m guilty of this, btw.)
Or you want to be right cause you fear looking dumb. You want to look smart so badly because you fear that people will think less of you if you’re not the smartest (but that’s only because you think less of those who are less smart than you). (Me in my teens.)
Or you want to learn to do everything yourself, cause what if someone else does it for you, but then they suddenly leave or don’t do it as you imagined? “I better not be dependent on others! Right?” (Guilty, again.)
Or you want to make a lot of money, because “then I’ll mean something.”
Or you want the perfect body, because “then I’ll finally be able to be loved.”
Or are you taking that political stance super-duper seriously? (Loudly as well.) Is it because you want to convince others, or are you really trying to convince yourself?
Or are you an angry or cynical person? “There’s so much injustice!” Or are you angry and sad with yourself? “If the world really is bad, then I’m justified in feeling sad and angry!” (for those things that happened in your childhood, maybe?)
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not judging (too much 😉). We’re all guilty of one or more of these types of scenarios. They come with the territory of us being meaning-making machines. We’re storytellers.
We use our past experiences to tell ourselves a story to get through life. But the pain we suffered in our lives is difficult to look at. Thus the stories we tell around those experiences are usually unclear, at best. (More often, they are a coping mechanism.)
So it’s important to become aware of the stories we tell ourselves, especially the stories that hide in our blindspots. The stories we use as a way to go through life have direct consequences on our loved ones and us.
I know it’s hard to face our shadows because it means accepting we are not perfect. It means accepting that we may hurt or have hurt loved ones (most of the time, even without us knowing). But facing the dark side of our narratives also means taking responsibility with an intent to make our life better. So here’s a small inquiry-based writing exercise for you to try:
What is the dark side of the (possibly positive) stories you tell yourself about how you live and why you live like that?
Does the story still fulfill its purpose, or is it something that served you in the past (maybe at home or in school, as a kid)?
Is your story still needed to protect you from that fear?
Thanks for reading. Hopefully, you’ll get some reflection moments out of these. Also, if you think of other examples, please do share!
Regards,
Jibran